Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
