I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
