Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize