My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
