Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
