Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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