i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
