THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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