who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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