Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Randomize
