I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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