we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
