You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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