It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
