You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
