You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
