Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
