i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
