at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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