if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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