happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
