Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
