Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
