So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it's great music for shaving your balls
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
