This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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