Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
