She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
