end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
