I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
