cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
