The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
