So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
