I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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