Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
