Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
MIDGETS
????
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
