i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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