You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Vodka?
Forever.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
