Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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