Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
