How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
