Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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