Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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