Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
