Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
