My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
