just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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