i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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