for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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