Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
