Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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