Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I need moral support for this bender
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
