Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
