You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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