DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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