BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
