I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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