Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
