Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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