So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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