I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize