I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
