i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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