Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I won't apologize to a one balled man
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
