Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I smell like Dick and happiness
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
