I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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