i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
