Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
