I feel great
I just peed on a car
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
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