hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
