i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
