I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
