So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
