perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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