Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
