I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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