I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
