i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
