There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
high people should be assigned attendants
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
