I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
