if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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