the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
is it fun? or sober?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
