that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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