We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
