I like my sex mixed with concussions.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
