I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize