I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
