Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What changed your mind?
Being sober
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
