I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
someone owes me an orgasm
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Randomize
