I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
be right there i have to get my cape
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
