Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
