Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
