my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
