I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
