So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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