I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
