turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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