Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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