i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
