I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
