Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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