I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
