I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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